The Butt Jelly Strikes Again

Conner is constipated. This is a whole new territory for me because Aidan never had that problem. He's loose as a goose! For that reason, we go through butt jelly by the pounds all in the name of protecting delicate areas. Perhaps that explains why he's so infatuated with butt jelly. Perhaps. So....you know that whole things about "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me?" (is that how it goes?). Yeah, well, if you've read my previous blog you probably know where this story is heading. Picture it: one beautiful, sunny fall day. Aidan, Conner, and I had been outside playing, had our lunch and now the blissful part of the day known as nap time was fast approaching. Conner is easy to put down for a nap. He's so worn out from putting up with Aidan's antics that he happily retreats to his lair of solitude and peace. Once I put him down, he plays with a teething ring, scratches the cars that are on his sheets, and falls fast asleep. One down...one to go. Now on to Aidan. He's more difficult than Conner now that he's in a big boy bed. He doesn't want to go to sleep. He says, "I'm not asleep, I'm awake." I think to myself: OK, great observation, Aristotle, but you need to lie down in your bed and rest (in mom-speak, that means that I really need to rest or at least use the bathroom in peace). So I do the whole routine with him, half mindful of what I'm doing, half repeating the prayer: Lord, please let my child take a nap....Lord, please let my child take a nap. I put Aidan in bed, kiss him, and say nite-nite. I walk out and close the door to mild protest. He cries for a few minutes and then he's quite. I hear him talking. That's a good sign. He' starting to quieten down. I hear him talking to his stuffed horse named Horsey (yeah, we're pretty basic with the names around here). I decide to change over some laundry and then check on him again. When I come back, all is quite. I think, Whew! Today was much easier than the past few days. I breathe a sigh of relief and decide I need to get some school work done. About an hour later, I take a break from school work and walk past Aidan's room. I hear him talking. Oh great, does that mean he hasn't fallen asleep yet!? I walk in and what do I see: Aidan sitting criss-cross, applesauce smack dab in the middle of his room holding a jar of butt jelly. He looks up at me and as he takes a big gob of butt jelly and smears it on his face, says "Gotta put butt jelly on my lips, Momma, need it on my lips." I hold my breath and I decide if I should look around the room. Dare I? I do...and I see nothing but pure shine! There was a shine in his room that would put Solid Gold dancers to shame. Butt jelly was everywhere!!! Gobs all over his bed, all over the floor, all over his rocking chair, all on the walls, all over his toys (apparently Bert and Ernie needed some on their lips, too)....it was everywhere! It looked like a bomb went off in his room: a butt jelly bomb. Who knew a simple jar of Vaseline jelly could be so destructive!? I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think I did both. I'm still finding gobs of jelly in his room. I picked up a clock today to change the time and noticed there was a big blob of it on the back on the clock. I really thought I put the jar of Vaseline away where Aidan couldn't get it. Either I didn't or there's a little mischievous elf living in our house. I would have taken a picture but I couldn't- my camera is no longer with us. It up and died. I gotta give some props to Ed right now. He has a huge jug of change he collects. The last time he filled it, he bought new tires for his truck with the change. It's full again now, and Ed said I could count the change and buy a new camera with it. What a man! Anyhoo, so I don't have any recent pictures to post. I do have some pics I took with a disposable camera although it's just not the same. I must say I am a digital camera snob. Aidan and I bought some pumpkins at Walmart on this day and he had so much fun playing with them. Who needs Leap Frog toys when $3 pumpkins provide hours of entertainment!!? When we carved the pumpkins, Aidan stuck his hand in the pumpkin and said, "Shoo, dat nasty!" I wanted to ask him, so how come the pumpkin is nasty but the jar of butt jelly is just fine?!